Cid and his Beautiful Man Voice
by Riyuji.Raicho
Summary: Continuation of Braktype fics Sequel to Cloud and his Plush Chocobo Toy: Cid gets into an explosion and something happens to his voice. He then started singing to earn money but wondered if he'll get his normal voice back... Total idiocy


Cid and his Beautiful Man Voice  
  
By: Riyuji  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 7 or the game itself. Squaresoft and some other parties that I am not aware of own them. I am not making any money out of this (though I wish I was ^_^), I'm only doing this for the fun of it and for the entertainment of others. Hope you enjoy it.  
  
Author's Notes: Thank you to all the people who reviewed my first Brak-type fanfic. I have decided to continue the series by doing this fanfic of another Brak Show Episode. ^_^ Enjoy and please review!  
  
~*~  
  
Insert Brak theme song here…  
  
Cloud: (Bends knees repeatedly, which looks like a dance)  
  
Sephiroth as Dad  
  
Aeris as Mom  
  
Cid as Zorak  
  
Barret as Thunder Cleats  
  
Vincent as Clone Borg  
  
Nanaki or Red XIII as Carmine  
  
And…  
  
Cloud as Brak  
  
~*~  
  
Cid and Cloud are seen staring tediously at each other. Cloud has just informed Cid about the talent show in school.  
  
Cloud: Hey Cid, guess what I'm gonna be for the talent show?  
  
Cid: A loser!!!  
  
Cloud: Eeeh! Wrong! I'm gonna be a potato and I'm gonna sing my amazing potato song.  
  
Cid: I can't wait NOT to see it.  
  
Cloud: Whaddya mean?! You're not gonna be there?!  
  
Cid: Oh, I'll be there. I'll be there.  
  
Inside Cid's brain… uh… I mean, imagination… whatever…  
  
Cid: Mwahahahahahaha! (Burns the school auditorium) Mwahahahahaha! Mwahahahahahaha!!  
  
Extra # 1: Ahhh! (Gets burned with Cid's flame thrower)  
  
Extra # 2: Eeeekkk! (Stops, drops and rolls like an idiot until a large chunk of burning wood kills him)  
  
Cid: Burn! BURN!!! (Increases the power)  
  
Cloud: (Runs around the auditorium in a burning potato suit while singing some song)  
  
Heffer: Mom! Didn't you say that we're gonna have baked potato for dinner? Is that the baked potato? Can I eat it?  
  
Mom: Yes, son! Go ahead and eat it.  
  
Heffer: (Eats Cloud)  
  
Cid: Bwahahahaha! Burn!!!  
  
In Cloud's kitchen…  
  
Sephiroth: Then I received a letter, which said don't mail deviled eggs to the bishop.  
  
Aeris: Maybe you need to change your recipe.  
  
Sephiroth: My recipe is perfect! (Clenches fist) …The bishop is a fool.  
  
*Ding-dong*  
  
Sephiroth: I'll get it. Who is it?  
  
Clone Vince: It is I Clone Vince!  
  
Sephiroth: Mother, do we know any I Clone Vince?  
  
Aeris: I don't think so dear.  
  
Clone Vince: I have come to destroy you. Prepare to meet your doom, Pyro Barret!  
  
Sephiroth: Hold it! I'm glad to inform you that I am not Pyro Barret.  
  
Clone Vince: Gleep bleep glork!  
  
Aeris: He lives across the street. In the big black fortress. Out the door and to the left. You can't miss it.  
  
Sephiroth: Except for the fact that you already have. (Crosses arms across chest)  
  
Clone Vince: (Leaves and is seen through the window heading for Pyro Barret's house) I have come to destroy you Pyro Barret!  
  
Aeris: Well, he seemed nice enough.  
  
Sephiroth: Oh, does someone have a new boyfriend?  
  
Aeris: Now honey. I just said…  
  
Sephiroth: I may not have seventeen-inch guns but when I slash you, you know you have been slashed.  
  
Cloud and Cid: (Walks into the room)  
  
Cloud: Good morning mom. Good morning (Slips on the puddle of oil) Daaaaaaaa! Ow!  
  
Cid: (Laughs) Ha ha ha! You fell!  
  
Aeris: Now look! That Clone Vince spilled oil all over my floor.  
  
Cid: Clone Vince? …Did he kill anyone?  
  
Aeris: We sent him over to Pyro Barret's place.  
  
Cid: Hell yeah! SMACKDOWN!!! (Runs to Pyro Barret's house)  
  
A large explosion is seen outside the window  
  
Cid: (Comes back to Cloud's house… all burned… I think he's medium rare) Oooh!  
  
Cloud: Cid, are you okay?  
  
Cid: Yeah I think so… Bleagh! (Spits out a loogy)  
  
Loogy: (Flops on the table)  
  
Aeris: Oh, wait! I'll get my jar. (Gets a jar)  
  
Sephiroth: Again with the jar. Are you making a monster?  
  
Aeris: (Stares at Sephiroth)  
  
Sephiroth: Oh yeah, you are. How is it going for you?  
  
Aeris: (Drops loogy in the jar) Very nicely, thank you.  
  
Loogy: Finally! I was dying out there. Hey, sweet cheeks get me a beer, will ya!  
  
Aeris: We have root beer.  
  
Loogy: Did I say root beer?  
  
Cloud: Whoa, Cid! That thing sounds just like you.  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: Yeah, I was just noticing that.  
  
Cloud: (Raises his hands in the air) And you have a beautiful man voice!  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: Okay, what the f*ck is going on here?  
  
Loogy: Listen kid, the name's Nanaki. That's right! Nanaki. I've been living in your throat for years. When you took than chuck in the neck it shut me loose.  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: Now this sucks. Pass me that frickin' jar so I could swallow this fucking lump to get my voice back.  
  
Nanaki: That would be a big mistake. I know a way to make you rich, and I mean STUPID RICH!!!  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: I'm listening.  
  
Nanaki: That voice of yers is a gold mine. That's right! A mine full of gold. C'mon! Go ahead. Why don't you sing a few bars?  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: Why don't you bite me?  
  
Nanaki: Let me tell you a story. Who's your favorite singer?  
  
Cloud: Notorious Fluffy Tiff.  
  
Nanaki: That's right, she is! But when I first met her she was a hairball living in a fatman's pocket.  
  
Cloud: You mean that guy in from Dead Cell in Metal Gear Solid two in PS2?  
  
Nanaki: That's right.  
  
Cloud: Wow!!!  
  
Nanaki: I taught her all I know. And now she and her multi-millions are living in the biggest mansion in Mansion land!  
  
Sephiroth: And you did that all in Cid's throat?  
  
Nanaki: Butt out gramps! I'm talking Mansion Land!  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: Mansion Land… hmm!  
  
Cloud: Go ahead Cid! Why don't you sing something… of course it won't be as good as me… but who is? (Tilts his head)  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: Hell, I dunno what to sing.  
  
Aeris: Just sing what's in your heart, dear.  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: All right. You dumbasses asked for it. (Sings in beautiful man voice) My heart is full of hatred and loathing for your ugly faces and stupid, stupid clothing.  
  
Aeris: Oh Cid that was beautiful.  
  
Sephiroth: If my ears could talk they would say, 'Thank you Cid. You have enriched us both.'  
  
Cloud: I didn't think it was so good. I mean… where are the costumes, where are the flagpoles and where are the dry iceboxes?!?!  
  
Sephiroth: Is it the scent of jealousy I smell?  
  
Cloud: (Farts)  
  
Aeris: Cid why don't you sing that song in tonight's talent show. You'll be certain to win first place. Cloud: Don't you mean second place, mom?  
  
Aeris: Of course dear. [Whispers to Cid] You're gonna win.  
  
Nanaki: The broad's right. Let's go work up a number!  
  
Cloud: Yeah, why don't you go with your friend NA-NA-KI… But I'll see you in the talent show later. And I mean see you because potatoes have quite a number of eyes.  
  
Cid: (Walks out carrying Nanaki)  
  
Cloud: Nya nya nya nya.  
  
*Ding dong*  
  
Cloud: I wonder who could that be?  
  
Clone Vince Two: It is I Clone Vince Two. I have come to avenge the death of Clone Vince. Gleep flork!  
  
Sephiroth: Ah caramba! Not again.  
  
At the School Auditorium…  
  
Cloud: (Dancing and Singing in a potato suit) I'm a jolly spud, and people call me bud. I live down in the mud… with all the other tubers.  
  
Audience: (Applauds)  
  
Cloud: How was that gentlemen? (Walks by Cid and Nanaki in his potato suit)  
  
Nanaki: All right kid. Now go out there and wash the stink out of their heads.  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: (Sings) I'm gonna kick your ass until your head falls off. Then, I'm gonna kick your head and kick your ass again.  
  
Cloud: (Jaw drops)  
  
Cid: Whyyyy… I don't think it's learned its lesson. Open the door sucker, it's Cid Highwind… here to kick your ass!  
  
Audience: (Rants, and applauds)  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: You're an ugly audience. F*ck you all!  
  
Announcer: And the winner is Cid Highwind! (A twenty-five gil check falls from the ceiling)  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: I'm not kidding! You make me sick!!!  
  
Nanaki: What did I tell you? MONEY!  
  
Cloud: I can't believe this. My potato song has won this contest every year. (Gets ready to cry) This is an outrage! *Sniff*  
  
Nanaki [sarcastically]: Aww! Look Cid! He's gonna cry.  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: Yeah, You don't you go cry with your mommy?  
  
Cloud: That's what I intend to do *sniff* after I tell you that we are officially *sniff* broken up! *Sniff* *Sob* (Tuns home to his mommy)  
  
Nanaki: The sweet bread's in the oven and the sun's rising up on the cabbage farm.  
  
*Long uncomfortable silence… cricket…cricket… whoo-whoo*  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: What the hell does that mean?  
  
Nanaki: Forget it. But I've got you booked full for three weeks…  
  
Some weird background music plays as Nanaki and Cid travel around to earn money…  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: (Sings stuff)  
  
Nanaki: What a night!  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: (Sings stuff)  
  
Nanaki: Money!  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: (Sings stuff)  
  
Nanaki: I'm rich…  
  
In Cloud's house…  
  
Clone Vince Three hundred seventy-two is seen heading to Pyro Barret's house through the window.  
  
Cloud: (Wearing a beet costume) I've got a new routine… to try on you guys okay.  
  
Sephiroth: Cloud this has been going on for weeks!  
  
Clone Vince 372: (Is seen getting blown up through the window)  
  
Sephiroth: I can't take it anymore.  
  
Aeris: Now father. Go ahead Cloud. Sing us you little song.  
  
Cloud: (Sings in his beet costume) I'm hot for you beavwah (pronounced ad bev-wah if you don't watch Angry Beavers), I'm a big ol' beet. I'm red but not embarrassed and I am good with meat. And I'm hot for you beavwah!  
  
Sephiroth: You're no Cid Highwind.  
  
Cloud: Oh man! I give up!  
  
Aeris: Now Cloud, maybe people just don't want their vegetables to sing.  
  
Sephiroth: Or maybe what you're doing is just no good.  
  
Aeris: You keep at it Cloudy. I'm sure you'll soon come up with something.  
  
Cloud: You know it, beavwah!  
  
Sephiroth: Kon'ya wa hoshi ga kirei desu.  
  
Aeris: What did you say dear?  
  
Sephiroth: I thought I agreed to stop encouraging him.  
  
*Ding-dong*  
  
Sephiroth: Mother, did you put up the sign?  
  
Aeris: Oh dear. I forgot.  
  
Clone Vince 373: It is I Clone Vince three seven three. I have come to…  
  
Sephiroth: (Shouts) Very nice! OUT THE DOOR AND TO THE LEFT!  
  
In some studio…  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: (Sings in purple and yellow hippie clothes) Like I said I hate you jerks! What a bunch of stupid jerks! I'm gonna smack you up and stomp you down! Stomp you back to ugly town or maybe I'll kick you fat ass!  
  
Audience: (Applauds)  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: That's all you get sh*theads! Now go to frickin' hell!  
  
Nanaki: Go, go, go!  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: I just don't get it.  
  
Nanaki: What's up your ass?  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: I tell them how much I hate them and they love me for it.  
  
Nanaki: So what is you make the poor slobs happy?  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: I hate it that's what. I like it better when I made them miserable.  
  
Nanaki: But the money is good, right?  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: What money? You haven't paid me yet.  
  
Nanaki: That's because we're broke. I ain't cooking the books here.  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: What happened? Didn't we make a fortune?  
  
Nanaki: That's before taxes. And the market claimed that my ex-wife is climbing up a pole again… But that's okay. We'll make more money.  
  
Cid [in a beautiful man voice]: No we won't 'cause I quit. Now give me my f*cking voice back.  
  
Nanaki: No can't do junior. I've had the taste of the good life and you ain't taking that away from me. I ain't ever gonna go back to clown town. So long sucker! (Hovers to someplace)  
  
Kid # 1: Look! It's an bird!  
  
Kid # 2: No it's a plane!  
  
Kid # 3: It's a flying loogy!  
  
Cid: (Blinks hysterically)  
  
In Cloud's house…  
  
Cid [in beautiful man voice]: (literally jumps out of nowhere and rubs his hands over each other and blinks hysterically) Uh, where my lunch.  
  
Cloud: (In a pineapple suit) Oh look! It's Mister win the talent show, deserts his best friend to become a famous singer only to find out that he's unhappy making people happy. (Gasps for breath) and doesn't get paid so he quits the music business and comes crawling back begging for my forgiveness. (Gasps for breath) Which I will most happily give. (Gasps for breath) I love you, Cid! (Gasps for breath) *Sniff, sob*  
  
Cid [in beautiful man voice]: Stay away from me!  
  
Cloud: (In a pineapple suit) Okay, that's settled. Now we have to get your voice back. Where's Nanaki?  
  
Cid [in beautiful man voice]: Damn, do I know!  
  
Sephiroth: (Reading the newspaper) It says here that he used Cid's money to purchase the most splendid mansion in mansion land!  
  
Cid [in beautiful man voice]: But he said we were broke.  
  
Sephiroth: (Reading the newspaper) It says here that was a lie.  
  
Cloud: (In a pineapple suit walking away) C'mon buddy let's go to mansion land and get that lump in your throat.  
  
Cid: (Leaves with Cloud)  
  
*Ding-dong*  
  
Sephiroth: PYRO BARRET DOES NOT LIVE HERE!!!  
  
Clone Vince 2547: I know where he lives. I rather not go there because I don't want to die.  
  
Sephiroth: Ah. Let me get you a devilled egg.  
  
In the most splendid mansion in mansion land…  
  
Nanaki: (Is lying down on a pillow)  
  
*Knock, knock*  
  
Nanaki: (Hovers to the door) What can I do you for, chief?  
  
Cloud: (with baseball cap on and is lip-syncing Cid's beautiful man voice)  
  
Cid [in beautiful man voice]: Greetings I have been recently told that I have a beautiful man voice and I am currently looking for some one who could make me famous on the stage.  
  
Nanaki: Well you've come to the right place. That voice of yours is money in the bag.  
  
Cloud: (with baseball cap on and is lip-syncing Cid's beautiful man voice)  
  
Cid [in beautiful man voice]: I do hope I don't have to shave my spiky hair and take my baseball cap.  
  
Nanaki: Leave it there. (Opens the door) Come on in.  
  
Cloud: Now get him Cid!  
  
Cid: (Attacks Nanaki)  
  
Cloud: (Cheers for Cid) Hit him there! Oh! Ow! Yeah, that's it! Grab him!  
  
Cid: (Swallows Nanaki and gets his voice back) Welcome back jackass!  
  
Cloud: Cid, you got your voice back! We did it! Boy, I'm sure glad you got your voice back!  
  
Cid: (Rubs hands together) Get lost! (Slams the door on Cloud's face)  
  
Cloud: Ow! (Falls to the concrete floor) Great to have you back buddy! I think my nose is bleeding…  
  
Insert lousy credits…  
  
~*~  
  
A/N: Was it better than the first If you want to read my first Brak-type fanfic the title is 'Cloud and his Plush Chocobo Toy', 'kay? I don't own Brak Show by the way. Now do you all see the review button down in the bottom of your screen? Please click on that and review okay? Flames will be used to pop the popcorn in the pantry.  
  
By the way, if you are wondering what that peculiar sentence Sephiroth said, here they are to expand your vocabulary:  
  
Kon'ya wa hoshi ga kirei desu- Japanese for The stars are beautiful tonight.  
  
Well, there you have it. PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
This fic was finished on May 31, 2002 at 5:51pm 


End file.
